Southern Man

Newcastle United this week made the bizarre decision to sack loyal manager Chris Houghton. Houghton last season led the Magpies to promotion and had them in a stable 11th place in the premiership this season. The fans want answers, and rightly so.

I’ve always had something of a soft spot for the Toon with their north of England roots, lovely people, Big Luke’s, Metro Centre etc. (As such, I’ve also had a soft spot for Sunderland – somewhat controversial!) So I wasn’t too pleased when I heard they were set to appoint Alan Pardew.

This picture may well sum up the reaction of many Newcastle fans

Seriously, I can’t understand this move. Not only is Pardew, in my mind, a bottom of the league manager but he is well and truly a Southern Man.

Yeovil, Palace, Charlton, Spurs, Barnet, Reading, West Ham, Southampton – All of his teams in his career, all of them teams from the deep south of England. This man isn’t fit to lead a great club like Newcastle United with their proud traditions.

The Grinch

Now no one can defend the snow. Period. I was accused of being The Grinch when the snow first reared its ugly head (Er, need a bit of biology revision) but no one can dispute my word. Everyone has been affected by this. Everyone has been delayed in some way, made cold by it or just generally had a factor in their life altered over the course of the last week.

A self-portrait

But in a strange way, I quite like the image of The Grinch. There needs to be someone who’s willing to commence with the moaning. And my goodness, there’s a lot to be moaned about. In the way that Peter Mandelson promotes the notion of himself being The Prince Of Darkness I’m perfectly happy to play up the idea of The Grinch. But in reality, has a single of word of what I’ve said been out of line?

Well, yes. But let’s not linger on that. Start moaning.

Inverness Only An Illusion

The population of Scotland was today shocked by the news that the city of Inverness is only an illusion.  It transpires that the city has never actually existed and was merely an invention of the imaginations of the people of Aberdeen.

Inverness - This isn't real

This news has come as a great shock to the people of Inverness and Inverness Football Club, amongst others. As it would appear they don’t exist either.

Geographers will meet during the next week to decide whether to remove Inverness from Scottish maps or not. It is currently unknown where all pictures of Inverness have come from, more details are due to be released shortly.