R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen

It’s not too often that I cover such a serious story on this blog, but this seems like a fair occasion for one.

Today one of the greatest comedy actors actors ever, Leslie Nielsen, died at the age of 84.

The late, great Leslie Nielsen

Nielsen is best known for absolute classics such as Airplane! and The Naked Gun series. He was also excellent in Police Squad, the TV series. If you were were a fan of The Naked Gun I’d give Police Squad ago. Essentially Police Squad is to The Naked Gun what The Thick Of It is to In The Loop. If you don’t get this reference then basically one is the film of the other but not entirely the same. Just watch it and see.

Nielsen is known for having provided the comedy world for some of it’s wittiest one liners, lines which have bcome so well known over the years that people who have never seen the original films can quote them.

Gems like the famous:

“Surely you can’t be serious.”
“I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.”

I realise I’ve plucked for the most obvious choice there but it’s just genius. But here’s some more:

“Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.”

“You’d better tell the captain we’ve got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.”
“A hospital? What is it?”
“It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.”

“Captain, how soon can you land?”

"I am serious, and don't call me Shirley"

“I can’t tell.”
“You can tell me. I’m a doctor.”
“No. I mean I’m just not sure.”
Well, can’t you take a guess?”
“Well, not for another two hours.”
“You can’t take a guess for another two hours?”

This style is puns is one I’m particularly font of and use regularly. Men like Nielsen are therefore comedy icons in my eyes. So here’s more:

“Nice beaver!”
[producing a stuffed beaver] “Thank you. I just had it stuffed.”

[offering a cigar] Cuban?
No, Dutch-Irish. My father was from Wales.

So, goodbye to one of the greats, he’ll be truly missed. R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen.

 

Seventh Heaven

First of all, I have to hold my hands up in shame about this title.

Any of you in the know with the footballing world should be able to guess the topic matter easily though.

And indeed it is as easy as it seems, it is of course about Manchester United’s whopping 7-1 win over Blackburn yesterday.

The heroic Ji-Sung Park lived up to his own high standards

Dimitar Berbatov scored a sensational five goals, but it was far from a one man show. Berbatov put in a tremendous performance and deserves all the praise he gets for it but the rest of the team did their part too.

Whilst he couldn’t score on his first league start in ages Wayne Rooney looked more like the Wayne Rooney of old: chasing every ball and working his socks off (Not literally).

The midfield too were in top form. After a poor start to the season Michael Carrick has found his form of late and is back to the level of performance he was showing a couple of years ago. And what can I say about Ji-Sung Park? He’s just fantastic. Anderson’s in the same boat as Carrick and has been excellent since recovering from injury. And Nani is developing into a Ronaldo-esque figure, he’s just been unplayable lately.

Dimitar Berbatov - the performance of a lifetime

The defence too was rock solid. Rafael’s looked a much improved player this season whilst Rio and Vida are back to their old partnership. And Evra’s great. Can’t whack big Eddy either.

All in all, 28 unbeaten is not too shabby.

And having said all of this, I bet we go and lose the next one!

Get Snow-ver It

If you choose not to read this blog purely on the basis of the title I totally understand. It’s appalling.

But on to the real writing, Shall we? Ooh, let’s!

Everyone’s been getting awful excited due to this influx of snow. Fickle, fickle, fickle weather, you cad. How short are your memories people? Do you truly forget the misery brought upon us by last year’s snow?

Snow's not all beautiful like this

Week upon week of snowy roads, snowy streets, football called off, wishing to commit suicide (I personally didn’t do that one). So yes, don’t get too excited about something you’ll hate if it sticks around. Although I acquiesce that if it lasts for only, say, a day you’ll love it. Unless you have to drive.

On the plus side, I’ve been able to squeeze a few snow jokes out tonight (And no, that’s not a dirty euphemism you dirty child!).

Stewart Francis Is A Very Funny Man

Any regular viewers of Mock The Week will be familiar with Canadian stand-up Stewart Francis. I personally had never heard of him before he popped up on the show but was instantly impressed by his stream of one-liners.

Having seen him repeatedly appear on the show and be consistently brilliant I felt now would be a good time to go and see him live.

Tour de Francis

And, as it happened it was a good time. A very good time. Similar in both quality and style to Tim Vine, Francis has put himself high of my list of best stand-ups I’ve seen live.

He was able to reach between simple puns, witty one-liners and some tremendous jokes pushing the moral boundaries with people with physical disabilities, the mentally ill, orphans and fat people taking a pounding, amongst others.

“What’s to say dolphins want to swim with retarded kids?” was a highlight for me.

All in all, he was fantastic live and I would definitely recommend him.

Earlier in the night one of Scotland’s best young comedians, Daniel Sloss, had opened the show.  This was the third time I’d seen Sloss and was easily the best. I hadn’t known he was going to be opening the show so it came as a pleasant surprise.

Daniel Sloss, Scotland's best young stand up?

With Kevin Bridges now having progressed to the big league of British comedy, it may well be the case that Sloss has stepped up to the task of representing the best of young Scottish up-and-coming comedy.

With jokes about Anne Frank, Jabba the Hut and masturbating over his parents it’s fair to say he’s ready for the step up!

Simon Cowell’s Unlikely Hero

Well, let’s begin this blog by clearing up the fact that I have never willingly watched the X Factor, and nor do I intend to.

However, in modern day society it has become simply impossible to avoid hearing about the show. And in particular some chap called Wagner. Now, don’t worry, I’m not going to pretend I know anything about this guy. I don’t. And I don’t actually care, but I am interested in observing people’s reactions within mainstream culture.

Wagner - a pawn in Simon Cowell's game

When it comes to dealing with the public and media perception Simon Cowell could be viewed as something of a genius. Love him or loathe him (Loathe him) one sadly can’t really argue with that.

With Wagner, from what I’ve been told, he’s got in someone who genuinely goes against the mould of the show’s usual contestants to actually create some interest. It is my belief that without something like this to really spark new life into the show, then viewers would have become gradually more disinterested (As happens with all shows of this nature. Even Big Brother, which was bigger than Eric Pickles’ belly in its heyday).

Eric Pickles - he's carrying a pound or two

Personally, I’d much rather this was the case. But as The Jam stated in 1977 ‘This Is The Modern World’. So unfortunately the modern world will have its way, meaning that whenever X Factor does run its course a similar form of replacement will quickly crop up to further dilute the pupils of mainstream television viewers.

But yes, all in all, Wagner seems to be the man keeping X Factor top of the pile currently. A strange situation for a guy who many of the show’s viewers hate. Which is a bit strong really, after all he is only a singer.

I should mention that I was in fact relieved to see that when i searched for ‘Wagner’ on Google Images all of the images on the first page were of the ‘real’ Wagner. So there is still some sense of perspective in the world.

The real Wagner - strikingly like Stephen Fry

The Magic Of Malcolm Tucker

Last night I finally got to see my favourite character of the small screen in his firt performance on the big screen, albeit on the small screen.

I refer of course to Malcolm Tucker (played by Peter Capaldi) from Armando Iannucci’s masterpiece The Thick Of It.

The all-swearing all-threatening Tucker transfers brilliantly and is every bit as good in the film. The film would be very good anyway but the brilliance of Capaldi takes it to another level with Tucker undoubtedly the star.

In tribute to this wonderful character I thought I’d relay a few of my favourite Tucker quotes from the film. (Beware, this isn’t for you if you can’t tolerate swearing)

"This is the minister of international development here, he should be talking about... food parcels... not... fucking, arse-spraying mayhem!"

“Just fucking do it! Otherwise you’ll find yourself in some medieval war zone in the Caucasus with your arse in the air, trying to persuade a group of men in balaclavas that sustained sexual violence is not the fucking way forward!”

“Well, it is out there, it’s out there now, lurking like a big hairy rapist at a coach station. You know, if I could, I’d punch you into paralysis!”

Malcolm Tucker: “Fucking hung up, haven’t you? You fucking hoity-toity fucking… ”
Tourist: “Hey, buddy? Enough with the curse words, all right? ”
Malcolm Tucker: “Kiss my sweaty balls, you fat fuck.”

“Why didn’t you say? He asked you. Fuck, of course, that explains it. If he’d asked you to fucking black up, or to give him your PIN number or to shit yourself, would you have done that?”

“Christ on a bendy-bus. Don’t be such a fucking faff arse.”

"Fuckety-bye-bye then"

“You say nothing, okay? You stay detached. Otherwise that’s what I’ll do to your retinas.”

Keep in mind, this is all from one film. And that’s not even close to all of them. Just shows what a veritable feast The Thick Of It is.

That Anti-Christmas Feeling

November’s the month when all the Christmas songs are back on the radio, TV and every other conceivable media outlet short of having them implanted on USB sticks into our minds. It’s also the month of having Christmas decorations stuck up all over the place.

What a load of bobbles

Pubs where people go to drown their sorrows are now starting to prop up their trees and lights… This isn’t what pub goers want. Cut out this nonsense and put the price of a pint down for them.

There’s a time and a place for all this merryment. And frankly, everywhere all the time isn’t it. There should be designated Christmas areas where people who actually need all this to prop up their own depressing wee lives can fuel up.

For the rest of us you can consign Wham, Wizzard and all the others “W’s” to the drawer marked 24th December.

A better way to spend money

Let not it be said however that I don’t like Christmas. I absolutely do, but not on the 22nd (Going on 23rd) of November.

With Mumblings and Ramblings having had it’s most successful week since September last week on the back of three new blogs, I’d like to thank you for keeping reading and hope this blog hasn’t offended you.

Well… I hope it has, but not so much that you won’t come back!

Lord Young – Typical Tory

I’ve possibly missed the boat on this one, I should really have made this blog yesterday. As you may, or should know, Lord Young – one of Dave’s chief advisers – made a ludicrous statement recently.

He essentially discarded the notion of a recession.

In the current economic climate (recession climate) this certainly isn’t a wise thing to say. Young stated that people had never had it better and essentially told them to stop moaning.

Akin to ‘Let them eat cake’ anyone? Hmm, yes.

This is why he’s a typical Tory. This is the Government we’ve got now. Not caring people. Millionaires who genuinely don’t give a horse’s toenail about the people of Britain.

Let Them Eat Cake

Top 10 American Bands

This isn’t by any means meant to be a definitive list of the top 10 bands in America just now, it is literally just my list (for today) of my favourite 10. It will most likely change tomorrow but that’s just something we’ll all have to live with.

1. Eels

2. Green Day

3. The Killers

4. The Offspring

5. We Are Scientists

6. Foo Fighters

7. The Gaslight Ahthem

8. R.E.M.

9. The Avett Brothers

10. Vampire Weekend

Please note, these are “bands” only hence no Springsteen. After all, he is The Boss! Plus, whilst it says ‘American’ it does actually mean USA, not all bands from the continent hence no Hot Hot Heat.

I would thoroughly recommend all of these bands, they’re just great.

Also, even someone as wonderful as me can make mistakes so it’s always a possibility I’ve forgotten someone…

 

E - Eels Frontman

Green Day

The Killers

The Offspring

We Are Scientists

Foo Fighters

The Gaslight Anthem

R.E.M.

The Avett Brothers

Vampire Weekend

 

Mumblings And Ramblings Returns

Mumblings And Ramblings is back tonight… or this morning, whatever you’d prefer.

Having been distracted by uni work and other things I’ve decided now is the time to revive the old blog and get back to business.

For anyone who doesn’t know about this I’m going to do a bit of advertising. I’ve recently started writing in the music section of the Strathclyde Telegraph so if you’re on the Strathclyde campus pick up a copy and check out the music section!

There’s not too much to say in this particular blog but maybe later/tomorrow I’ll have a proper blog to follow up. This is just the re-introduction!